Phuket Times

It's 1am and I'm 4 tall Singha beers deep and thinking it's a good idea to test the max speed my scooter will hit. The speedometer ends at 120kmh and I'm hitting 110kmh. I barrel past JD and reach up and over my right shoulder with my left hand to give him the bird. We are headed to a hole in the wall building 15 minutes from our house that has three beer bars side by side. At the time it was the only place in Chalong that we knew of that had available pooying. It suddenly starts to rain and I see JD shrinking in my rear view as he cuts into a 7-11 parking area. Shit, I passed the building. I make a tight u-turn and park the bike on the road just outside. The rain starts to get heavy and pour down on me with some thick ass drops so I sprint to the overhang outside the first bar.

What the fuck, none of the chicks are catcalling?!

I walk to the second bar and get the same lack of response. In Pattaya I'm a sexy man, but it seems here I'm fucking invisible. I look at the mediocre chick behind the bar and say, "what? no handsome man comments?!" She just looks at me and says, "You want drink?"
I say, "Yeah whatever, I'll take a black soda." and sit down on the stool. A couple of the girls are pulling down plastic sheeting around the front of the bar to keep it from getting soaked from the rain. I do a quick glance around the bar and there's maybe 3 customers and the only girl I think is cute is giving all her attention to some 60yr old dude with his shirt tucked into his khaki shorts. My drunken egotistical mind thinks, "Really girl? Did you not just see this young fashionable stud sit down at your bar??" I text JD, "Where are you? This place blows!" A few minutes later he pulls up on the road and I see him making a call. My phone starts to buzz, "Whatup?"
"Which one you at?"
"The middle one, but it fucking sucks. These chicks are not that cute and avoiding eye contact."

He walks the 40yards to the bar and sits down at the stool next to me. And suddenly there's this young girl squeezing him and acting like he's the next Justin Timberlake. WTF, I think, You win again JD!. I quickly down my drink and tell JD I'm going to try bar number 3. I make the 20 foot walk around the cinderblock wall dividing the two and, having been to this bar before, get a couple waves, but nothing like I was hoping for. Oh well. "Can I get a black soda? Thanks." The ladyboy manager comes out from the back and greets me and asks if I want to play connect four. Finally, some attention! "Sure, why not. How are you?"
"Good, where's your brother?"
Fuck, even the ladyboys want JD!

As I'm responding, "He's at the...", he walks around the wall as if on cue and she interrupts me to shout, "JD! Come here!". Then one of the girls, who he talked to last time we were here, immediately spots him and runs over to give him a hug and ask how he is. Whatever.

4 or 5 black sodas later I am still getting no love and tired of losing to connect four by the lantern jaw and drunkenly interrupt JD and his lovebird to tell him I'm headed home as I walk away. While walking past bar number 2 I notice the one cutie is now all alone and behind the bar so I go up to her and ask her her name. We chat for a total of 60 seconds before she says, "Who you like?"
"You"
"Yeah? What about her?" She says and points to the one that was squeezing up on JD.
"Sure."
"You want two lady?" She says without even asking the other girl.
"Ok, yes, let's go."
"You pay barfine first."
"ok, give me the bill, let's go."
I pay the bill and the girls go in the back to get their shit. While I'm waiting JD comes back around the corner and I ask him why he doesn't have his girl from bar 3 with him.
"I wasn't feeling it tonight, just going to go home and get a good night's sleep." He says.
"Well, I barfined two girls, can you take one on your bike so I don't have to go three up?"
He gripes a bit, but agrees. The girls come out and I explain that JD is going to taxi one home and the little one that was about him earlier volunteers to ride with him. We all head back home and stop off at a 7-11 for some late night grub. JD is the only one hungry, so I say fuck it and have both girls hop on my bike and swerve down the road to my room.

1 hour and a very lackluster threesome later I am laying there in the middle of the two girls and the little one is asking me about my "brother". I tell her he is sleeping. She asks where. I say "Downstairs, why? You want?"
"Yes"
"Really?"
She nods yes and giggles.
"Ok." I say and dial up his number.
"Whatup. What you doing?"
Half asleep he mumbles, "Sleeping"
"You want one of these girls?"
"What?"
"This little one won't shut up about you. You want to take her off my hands?"
"Ok." He says in a tone that tells me he thinks I am just fucking with him.

I walk the girl down, sans shower, and drop her off with him. She is super excited to see him and doesn't even bother to thank me. 15 minutes later I call him again.
"Hello?"
"How does my dick taste?" I say and hang up.